Single Wars!

Here is a brand new feature I am testing out where fans of the singles released this week tell us why their favourite song deserves to top the charts. First up we have the very ace Mark (aka Storm) who is showing his support for Jentina:

Jentina – French Kisses

Here are my ten reasons why Jentina is the acest of ace!

01. Bad Ass Strippa and French Kisses are two of the best singles of the year. Bad Ass Strippa is what Missy Elliot would sound like if she was born on a caravan park in Woking. And French Kisses is the type of record Kylie would have made had she been brought up on a council estate.

02. The ‘Shikka Shake Shikka Shake’ bit in Bad Ass Strippa is easily the best bit in any single this year.

03. Jentina has another song called ‘Sneakers’ which is about trainers. This is ace, because trainers are obviously ace. Who needs to write songs about love, when we can explore the joys of footwear!

04. In the aforementioned ode to trainers, Jentina sounds not unlike a young Neneh Cherry. This is obviously a very, very good thing.

05. Jentina can not only rap, but she can sing too! This is like getting two popstars for the price of one!

06. In the French Kisses video, she not only makes a cute little heart motif with her hands, but also does an adorable zig zaggy foot dance. Everytime I see it I just wanna hug her!

07. For a good example of how everything can go wrong, even with excellent production, have a listen to Lady Sovereign’s ‘reply’ record, the imaginatively titled ‘Sad Ass Stripper’, in which she uses an absolutely hilarious excuse for a Jamaican accent, and ruins any hint of brilliance that the original possessed.

08. Jentina is responsible for bringing the Elvis quiff back to the music industry. In Sad Ass Stripper, Lady Sov derides this, but I reckon she’s only jealous, cos the cheap insette hairspay she uses won’t allow her to keep a quiff in hold. I have a shaved head, so cannot fashion a quiff either, but if I had hair – wild horses couldn’t stop me!

09. It has been reported that Jentina is dating Keith Flint. The firestarter is quite scary, which seems like a good enough reason to like Jentina as any.

10. Despite looking like Jodie Kidd on a strict diet, she still know how to shake her bootie, which goes to show that all ladies can be bootilicious regardless of their size.

Next up is the lovely Mike (aka thisisnotatest) who will be siding with Beverley Knight:

Beverley Knight – Not Too Late For Love

Bev is the UK’s best soul singer (by miles) but some some unknown and wholly bizarre reason has graced the top 10 only twice. In the immortal words of V ‘something’s wack!’

This song is off the incredible Affirmation album and it’s a cracker – a great ballad with a huge singalong chorus. It must be number one, or at least top 10. You know what to do!

And next is the fabulous Mel (aka Smudge) with her reasons to support the Streets:

The Streets – Blinded By The Lights

The Streets should be number one because Blinded By The Lights is the best single to feature Bouncers having their hands in Mike Skinner’s baggie filled shoes. Additionally, the video is also brilliant because it shows that gratuitous drug use leads to your girlfriend getting off with your mate in a toilet while you are spazzing out like a yoghurt. So by not buying this single, you are pretty much failing to support the discouragement of drug use amongst youngsters. DO IT FOR THE KIDS.

And it would only be right if I joined in, so I will be singing the praises of Butterfly Boucher:

Butterfly Boucher – Another White Dash

You may or may not be able to find this single in the shops, as it doesn’t even seem to be on Amazon, but it’s on the release schedule and she deserves all the promo she can get. You may remember Butterfly’s first single I Can’t Make Me Love You, released in 2003, with an unusual video involving miming and stage fright and a very catchy melody. Butterfly is a bit of a hippy chick, with parents who moved around a lot when she was younger, and this shows in her music which is thoughtful, simple and charming acoustic pop with excellent lyrics. If you can’t find the single I’d advise you to check out her album, cleverly titled Flutterby, which is brilliant from start to finish.

So there we have it – 3 fabulous female singers and 1 male battling for single of the week status. Now it’s up to you: which single is the best? Vote now!


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