Battle of the Blondes

Christina Aguilera – Ain’t No Other Man
This is supposed to be Christina’s big comeback, so why isn’t it a bit… bigger? Previous albums were launched with legendary pop hits, Genie In A Bottle and Dirrty. Is this song, which seems to be an extention of Christina’s most pointless single (the one with Nelly), going to be as big as that? Maybe it will, just because of who she is, but unless I’m completely missing the point I don’t really see how, out of all the songs she must have recorded in the four years since she last released an album, this could be the best? There’s nothing wrong with it exactly, it’s quite enjoyable (the best bit is the first few notes where I keep thinking it’s gonna be Real Things by Javine), but where is the controversial, ever-changing Christina we know and love who has in the past managed to produce such a variety of aceness. From most acts this would be a triumph but this is one of the biggest pop stars of the 00s – I just expected something more exciting. Maybe it’ll be a grower, or one of those songs that to start with sounds dated but ends up starting a whole new trend. It will be interesting to see what happens next.

Paris Hilton – Stars Are Blind
Paris was obviously paying attention when I praised cheap reggae-pop music recently, cos she’s done exactly that for her debut single. To say it’s brilliant would be a bit of an overstatement, but at least she’s got poptastic intentions. In fact it is one of the worst examples of the genre, but luckily she’s attempted a type of pop where the worse kind of means better. It’s car-crash pop and heaps of fun, and I do think Paris Hilton is an utterly brilliant celebrity even if she isn’t exactly someone I’d want to spend a lot of time with personally. Of every act I expected Paris to rip off, it certainly wasn’t Ace of Base, but I’m far from complaining – in fact I’m quite excited. Paris is nothing if not a trendsetter, so if she says Euro-reggae is cool, soon everyone will be doing it. I can’t wait!

I can’t decide which one is better. Christina, who should be ace, is disappointing, while Paris, who should be crap, is just that but in a very ace way, which kind of leaves them even. Obviously full albums will have to be heard before a final judgement is made.

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