I know it’s a whole week since the first X Factor live show but I only just saw it and I wouldn’t like to deprive you of my opinions…
I didn’t think it was possible for jolliness to be a bad thing, but here is the proof – Robert is a pretty good singer but throughly annoying, reminding me of two of the most painful past contestants, Andy and Chico. I have therefore renamed him Robandico.
He will sing: I Believe I Can Fly by R.Kelly
He should sing: Brian McKnight – Back At One
Although he seems like a nice man, I was unimpressed by Ben in the previous rounds as he got through just by shouting and having long hair, and we never really saw him sing. I have no idea why this was because he’s actually a great singer and I predict that he is going to stick around for a long time – perhaps even win.
He will sing: Maggie May by Rod Stewart
He should sing: The Origin of Love by Rufus Wainwright
I was surprised to see Dionne in the bottom two, but it was actually difficult to predict who would be as all the acts had reasons to be popular. She has obviously got a good voice but I can’t se her engaging with the public – she lacks the ‘likeability factor’.
She will sing: One Moment In Time by Whitney Houston
She should sing: Do You Know Where You’re Going To by Diana Ross
I’m really glad Simon pointed out that this was boring and entirely forgettable, because I wasn’t expecting even him to be brave enough. Sharon is ridiculously patronising to the weaker contestants (be it due to disability or age) and there’s just no point – it won’t help her in the long run, but media coverage and sympathy will get her far enough.
She will sing: Fields Of Gold by Eva Cassidy/Sting
She should sing: Nothing (too boring)
I didn’t know Miquita could sing! Oh wait, she’s Scottish and a real, non-ironic chav, but those are the only difference, except for a few letters in her name, from the real Miquita. She can sing but the song, although I like it normally, didn’t suit her voice and her clothes were perhaps even worse than the real Miquita’s!
She will sing: Beautiful by Christina Aguilera
She should sing: Buffalo Stance by Neneh Cherry
Does anyone else remember him being in a Christmas advert standing on a book to kiss a little girl? It was on for a few years about 7 years ago, and he looked remarkably like a young Robbie Williams at the time, if it was Raymond that is. Anyway, I hate him. Teenage boys should be into fun music, modern music, not the stuff their grandparents loved. His slicked back hair makes me want to throw up.
He will sing: Mack The Knife by some old bloke
He should sing: Nothing (too annoying)
In past performances his voice has seemed wrong for his body but either I’ve got used to it or he’s toned it down a bit cos it was a huge improvement. This boy is going to do very well on the show, and he is perhaps the first ever genuine cool person they’ve had. Can he make cardigans cool for boys?
He will sing: Lately by Stevie Wonder
He should sing: Earthbound by Conner Reeves
Good voice, popstar looks, but absolutely no sign of personality. She could never be the British Christina or Beyoncé because she has simply nowhere near their talent or charisma. She couldn’t even be a younger Jamelia. I think Simon is going to be disappointed with how far she gets in the competition.
She will sing: Hero by Mariah Carey
She should sing: A Little Bit by Rosie Ribbons
Aren’t they a bit young to resemble Take That as they are now? Still, they sang really well and it’s nice to have a boyband getting praise and not bandwagon-jumping degradation usually dispatched to any young boys in a band. The anorexic one looks healthier and sang lead very well on this song.
They will sing: Back For Good by Take That
The should sing: To The Moon & Back by Savage Garden
The McDonald Brothers
These two are so adorably cute I really wanted to like them (watching X Factor is when my granny mentality comes out) but their performance was sickly sweet, I was put off. I still love the one that looks like Brian Littrell though and if they just sing and smile like they did this week they’ll get far, whatever the judges might say.
They will sing: Mrs Robinson by Simon & Garfunkel
The should sing: Affirmation by Savage Garden
In theory a group made up of people the average X factor could imagine being friends with should be a winning combination, but in practice they were just too amateur for the live stage of the compeition and resembled that bit of Children In Need when the newsreaders get up to do a song i.e. the reason I never watch Children In Need.
They would have sung: The Circle of Life by Elton John
The should have sung: Love Ain’t Gonna Wait by S Club
Look, it’s Chico, Andy, Nicholas and erm… some other bloke! Worst band name ever but a surprisingly enjoyable performance, if only for their jolly, friendly atmosphere. It was like four brothers getting up to sing at a wedding, but it was quite fun and tuneful enough. Not winners though or anything like it.
They will sing: Celebration by Kool & the Gang
The should sing: I Don’t Feel Like Dancing by Scissor Sisters