I don’t think anyone really deserves to be Xmas no.1 this year, but here is a rundown of who’s having a go and their chances of success. I’ve never understood betting odds, so I’m marking them in the far more sensible percentages instead.
Crazy Frog – Jingle Bells/Can’t Touch This
Surely even 3 year olds are over this by now?
Quality: -100%
Chance: 20%
Keedie Ft England Cricket Team – Jerusalem
Every year some sports-playing twerps suddenly decide they’re singers and release something for Christmas. If they thought it over they would remember that none of them have been successful, and they really don’t need to hurt our ears so unnecessarily.
Quality: 0%
Chance: 0%
McFly – The Ballad Of Paul K/Ultraviolet
McFly started their careers so well with their jolly first 3 singles, followed by Room On The 3rd Floor which is without doubt their best song. However, it’s all been downhill from there and they’ve finally reached the ditch at the bottom of said hill with this dull and utterly unappealing double a-side. Their strong fanbase will presumably award them a top 10 placing but this could easily be their first single to miss the top 5.
Quality: 10%
Chance: 15%
Nizlopi – JCB
I first posted about this song in April, so I am obviously exceptionally cool and ahead of the times. I’ve seen/heard them interviewed a couple of times now and they seem really nice, as the cheery inoffensive indie types always do, but they’re hardly poptastic ace people. This should do well in a “quirky” Mad World kind of way, but is it really good enough to be the Xmas no.1? I’m really not sure…
Quality: 75%
Chance: 75%
Robbie Williams – Advertising Space
I’m as surprised to say this as you might be to hear it, but I really love this song. I haven’t been particularly botherd about Robbie in a long time, especially not his ballads, yet this one just has something really enjoyable about it. Trippin’ was pretty weird and still did well, so this should be a pretty big hit.
Quality: 85%
Chance: 70%
Westlife & Diana Ross – When You Tell Me That You Love Me
I have huge respect for Diana Ross. She sang Do You Know Where You’re Going To, one of my favourite songs ever, and countless Motown classics with the Supremes, which were a huge part of my introduction to pop music as a child. However, when teamed with my current worst enemies in music, even she cannot win me over.
Quality: 5% (for Diana only)
Chance: 90%
X Factor Winner – That’s My Goal
I’m pretty pleased with the outcome of X Factor so far. I like Shayne and Journey South and although Andy is a total bore (4Tune, Brenda and Maria were all much more deserving of the success he has annoyingly achieved), 2 out of 3 is pretty good compared to the finals of other recent reality shows, especially American Idol this year where all the good people went far too early. Obviously I can’t comment on the quality of the song as I’ve not heard it and we don’t know yet who has won, but I do know I’d much prefer this to be no.1 than Westlife.
Quality: ??
Chance: 80%
Girls Aloud – See The Day
Obviously I’m a huge Girls Aloud fan and as I said in my album review I’m a bit bored of this song, but it does seem to be going down fairly well so I reckon they’ll be heading for about no.5 on Xmas day, although I would of course prefer them to beat the rubbish acts who are looking likely to beat them.
Quality: 75%
Chance: 75%
James Blunt – Goodbye My Lover
James may have been one of the, if not the most successful artist of the year, but I don’t think this is going to provide him with a big Christmas hit. There just aren’t enough people who haven’t got the album or who like him enough to buy his singles as well. He’s not exactly overflowing with personality, is he? Plus, if you were going to buy one of his singles it wouldn’t be this one unless you were completely deaf. Personally, I don’t hate all of his music (just what he has done to the music industry ie. blandified it even more than it already was), but I really hate this song.
Quality: 15%
Chance: 10%