Let’s find out – here are our contestants for Making Your Mind Up:
Big Brovaz – Big Bro Thang (Clip)
Do they have to make every song about themselves? Eurovision viewers aren’t gonna care since they won’t have even heard of the band. Still, it’s an alright song (rather like French hip-hop in fact, which could bode well!), I’m sure there’s much worse to come…
Cyndi – I’ll Leave My Heart (Clip)
The only unknown act, although her song is written by Brian Rawling, who has worked with every cheesy pop act going (A1, allSTARS, Samantha Mumba, Gina G and many more!) and a few big names like Britney (Breathe On Me) and Kylie (On A Night Like This). It’s like a rip-off version of the Faith Hill song from Pearl Harbour, mixed with You Raise Me Up, which I guess could work but I doubt she can beat her more famous rivals.
Brian Harvey – I Can (Clip)
Well, I am very very excited to hear that this track was written by the amazing soul-pop star Conner Reeves! Hopefully he’ll appear on backing vocals on the night. Can we just send Conner to Eurovision instead please? It doesn’t sound like a very exciting song, but maybe it’ll be a grower or something. Who cares? Conner Reeves!
Hawkins & Brown – They Don’t Make ‘Em Like They Used To (Clip)
There’s little sign of Justin on the clip, so hopefully he’s just as rarely involved in the whole thing. Wishful thinking I’m sure. The song doesn’t sound terrible, but not amazing either – I hope his celebrity status (even if he is extremely hated – you get voted in, not out) doesn’t win it for him unfairly, cos I couldn’t bear the whole continent thinking he is representative of British people!
Liz McClarnon – (Don’t It Make You) Happy! (Clip)
Obsessed with punctuation much? It’s a bit like Antony Costa’s entry from last year, trying to be a bit Motown-y but just not having the songwriting, producing or singing talent to create such a sound, even though acts like Pauline Kamusewu and Natalia manage it quite easily in Europe. How are we so rubbish?
Scooch – Flying the Flag (For You) (Clip)
The only act who actually made ace pop music in their career (well, East 17 and Atomic Kitten had a few OK songs but solo they have been dire) and actually suited to Eurovison, so I had high hopes. The song is really super-cheesy and will probably get us another nil points if it wins, but still it is the only one that actually considers what Europe might like as opposed to what will least harm the artist’s career, so I’m in favour for that reason.
Hmmm… I think we’re gonna lose again! Great. I would say “I’ll just have to move to Sweden”, but I already am (although only for a few months… perhaps I’ll have to extend it).